Ex-boyfriend of 3 months demands ex-girlfriend pay $400 for wedding trip she backed out of plus $150 extra for the bride: 'I'm at least doing Meg the courtesy of giving over a month's notice'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 18, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

When you're in the early stages of dating someone, it's important to be careful about the kinds of plans you make. You might be tempted to think far out in the future and fantasize about all the milestones you'll hit together. Meeting their family, taking a trip together, and attending all sorts of life events side by side. But you don't know each other that well yet. You shouldn't make promises you know you can't keep because feelings can get easily hurt that way. If you plan too far out into the future, you'll either feel obligated to stay with them even if you know you don't want to, or you break a commitment and step on some feelings. 

This is why it's best to keep things loose in the beginning. Planning a trip together during the first month of the relationship? Not a great idea. This might seem like common sense, but you would be surprised at the behavior of strangers. Or maybe they're not strangers. They're your friends, and you're so annoyed with having to deal with them. Either way, strap in.

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  • 01
    A man looks solemnly at a woman across the table from him.
    via Unsplash+ (Gabriel Ponton)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This pair found themselves in a situation like that when they ended the relationship, but still had plans on the books. After the woman tried to be the bigger person and offered to help pay for them anyway, the man still wasn't satisfied. Read on for the details. 

  • 02

    Am I in the wrong for not paying for a wedding I'm not attending?

    I (30f) started a relationship with Joe (31m) in the middle of May of this year. Shortly after we started going out, he asked me to be a plus-one to his friend Meg's wedding. I have never met Meg, but I agreed to go. We RSVPed, and Joe booked plane tickets and a hotel room.
    via u/ptothedubs
  • 03
    A couple days ago, I ended the relationship with Joe. It's important to note that while money was not the main reason for the breakup, it was one of the things we argued about most. I am very frugal (perhaps to a fault), and Joe likes to spend money on creature comforts and trips, and often expects me to do the same. Joe lives at home rent free, while I have my own apartment. I live pretty much paycheck to paycheck, with a small stash set aside in savings.
    via u/ptothedubs
  • 04
    There's still about five weeks left to the wedding. I ended the relationship when I did partly because I didn't want to be in the pictures from the wedding and cause people to feel bad when they looked back at those pictures. I am returning everything Joe left in my apartment, save a few things he was okay with me keeping. I also offered to pay for my plane ticket and my half of the hotel stay as a good-faith gesture. It comes to over $400, which is just about everything I have in savings.
    via u/ptothedubs
  • 05
    Today, Joe contacted me and asked if I could pay another $125 on top of all of that to offset Meg's costs for my plate and everything at the reception. He says it's so close to the wedding and since deposits have gone to vendors, I should pay my portion. I think that more than a month's notice is ample time for Meg to either fill the
    via u/ptothedubs
  • 06
    seat or for Joe to find another plus-one, who would also be benefitting from my paying half of the hotel stay. I also think that since I wouldn't pay that money if I was attending, then I shouldn't have to pay now that I'm not. It's my understanding that people not going to weddings after they RSVP is just one of those costs that's inevitable, and I'm at least doing Meg the courtesy of giving over a month's notice. AITA?
    via u/ptothedubs
  • 07
    A young couple breaks up on a staircase.
    via Unsplash+ (Gabriel Ponton)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08

    Commenters thought she had already done enough.

    EmceeSuzy ⚫ 20h ago • NTA You should pay for the cost of your flight and nothing more. This fellow will still need the hotel room and the bride and groom absolutely can remove you from the count.
    via u/EmceeSuzy
  • 09
    You dated this man for all of 12 minutes. When he decided to invite a brand new girlfriend to a wedding, he knew that he was taking a chance that it would not work out.
    via u/EmceeSuzy
  • 10
    No_Preparation_8... . 19h ago NTA, Joe's scamming you. I got married last year and vendors required a final tally like...two or three weeks in advance, not more than a month out. If Joe is truly worried about offsetting Meg's costs, he'll let her know that you're not coming and she'll just adjust her spreadsheets, no big deal.
    via u/No_Preparation_8975
  • 11
    quotidian_qt • 19h ago I don't think you should have paid for half the hotel. They're his friends and he's going anyway.
    via u/quotidian_qt
  • 12
    False_Appointmen... 19h ago NTA. I wouldn't pay the $400, either. The plane ticket, sure, that's in your name. But with five weeks, he could certainly change the hotel if he can't afford it all on his own.
    via u/False_Appointment_24
  • 13
    Dittoheadforever · 19h ago . You're NTA and I cynical enough to go out on a limb and say this request for cash is coming from Joe, for the benefit of Joe, not from Meg.
    via u/Dittoheadforever
  • 14
    Rendeane 19h ago • NTA. Who booked the flight? If Joe booked the flight, reimburse him for that only. If you booked your own flight, contact the airline about a reimbursement or credit for a future flight with that carrier. He still needs the hotel room to sleep in. There is no reason to pay for it.
    via u/Rendeane
  • 15
    He's scamming you regarding the rest of the money that he claims is "for Meg." She has time to modify her final count for the caterer. Give him money for the flight only and block him.
    via u/Rendeane
  • 16
    SteelLt78 19h ago . NTA. I wouldn't pay for the hotel either. Just block the guy and move on
    via u/SteelLt78
  • 17
    SmallHeath555 · 20h ago NTA - caterers don't finalize headcount's until the week before
    via u/SmallHeath555
  • 18
    According_Pizza8... . 20h ago NTA, a month's notice was enough time for Joe to find another plus one or for the couple to extend the invite to someone else. You've been more than fair offering to still pay for your half of the hotel room and flight despite not
    via u/According_Pizza8484
  • 19
    attending. You're not the host's primary guest, Joe is, he can figure it out from here (especially since it doesn't sound like he has many expenses, not that this is the point)
    via u/According_Pizza8484
  • 20
    IndependentOk8450 19h ago Girl I wouldn't have paid him a nickel! Don't give him anything else.
    via u/IndependentOk8450
  • 21
    Level-Woodpecker... . 19h ago NTA. You shouldn't have even paid for half of the hotel room, as he was going to need it anyway. Plus, if the wedding is still MORE than a month away, I highly doubt that they have paid the remaining balance yet for the catering and have only paid
    via u/Level-Woodpecker-456
  • 22
    the deposit. They could easily contact the catering company that far in advance to change the headcount as that is normally only paid a week or 2 before the wedding.
    via u/Level-Woodpecker-456
  • 23
    I_wet_my_plants • 19h ago He could've cancelled the hotel and booked a cheaper one. You can call and change the flight to use later. I wouldn't have paid him for anything.
    via u/I_wet_my_plants
  • 24
    Dawg Mom67 · 19h ago Is the flight and hotel room refundable? If not pay your flight. He will have to pay for a room regardless. The wedding... I think he should eat the cost of your plate.
    via u/DawgMom67
  • 25
    Medusa_7898 · 19h ago . Typically the caterer gets a final number about a week before the wedding. You owe them nothing.
    via u/Medusa_7898
  • 26
    Smarterthanuthink... 20h ago . NTA. It is not your responsibility to pay for plate since you aren't your attending. Will Meg contact every person who RSVP'd and didn't attend and ask them for money? No, she won't. She is only doing this because you are Joe's ex. He's lucky he's being reimbursed for the plane ticket and half the hotel room.
    via u/Smarterthanuthink867
  • 27
    ViolentLoss • 19h ago . I don't think you owed him for the hotel. Plane ticket sure, you can use that. AFAIK, the hotel costs the same whether one or two bodies are using the bed. Do not pay for the "plate" at the wedding.
    via u/ViolentLoss
  • 28
    StellaStewieStanley 19h ago . NTA. Even if you were still a couple, they are his friends, so he should cover the gift to the couple. That's not on you. Your obligation ends with the flight and hotel.
    via u/StellaStewieStanley

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